Tonight's sermon (yes, tonight, I attend an evening church. Because I absolutely hate getting up and ready to attend service by 9am, especially if you consider that I often work Saturday nights until late), was on John 3:1-21. This is a passage I've heard countless times, but that tonight I knew I was going to get a lot from.
Last week, the pastor spoke on Jesus in the temple, which my friend and I both agreed we expect to be more of a history lesson and less of a "how does this change/affect our lives now." Turns out, in big ways. That involved tears from both of us.
I've been struggling lately. I've spent a lot of time saying that I trust that God will provide, and turning around and worrying about how everything is going to work out in the long run. But you know something? Every month, everything works out and provision is there, often in unexpected forms.
I knew walking in that this sermon would be hard. It actually almost kept me home. (A really bad reason to stay home from church? Being afraid of the sermon. That's why they exist.)
I was reminded over and over tonight that I am inconsistent. I say one thing, act one way, and the minute things get difficult revert to old ways. Ways I know aren't okay, thoughts that are hurtful. I know that following Jesus means following him always. I also know that it is incredibly easy to slip into patterns where He takes a back burner and I keep pushing forward for my own selfish reasons.
I need to reevaluate. I need to make better choices. I need to be more consistent.
As was pointed out this evening "Jesus didn't come to reform your life, he came to destroy and rebuild your life."
I need rebuilding, and it's going to be tough.