13 October 2013


I've now been in Breckenridge for 29 hours. I have spent the last 10 hours with a headache, four hours ago, it got to the point that I almost passed out before dinner.

Logically, I know it was mostly because of a combination of altitude and hunger. But, I'm frustrated because I've drank a ton of water today (well over 100 ounces, in fact) and should at this point be able to handle higher altitudes.

The last time I felt this bad in the mountains was on a trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. I don't even think I did any walking or hiking, but I definitely didn't have enough water and I was absolutely miserable on Trail Ridge Road. (Or, wait, thinking about it now? I was absolutely miserable in Glenwood Springs at New Years. Like, couldn't drag myself down the hall to hang out with friends because my body was so miserable.)

We started out this morning with a four mile hike, something I couldn't do a year ago. I was actually really impressed by myself and my progress today. I enjoyed the hike, we went at a comfortable pace and K and I even ran several minutes on the way back down the trail. We ended up at an old mine and took some lovely fall pictures. I love a day when I get to take my camera out for a good walk. When we came back to the condo, we had lunch and I almost fell asleep, but was awakened with the offer of a trip into town for window shopping.

All was good until we got back from town. That's when I hit a major wall and could barely drag myself out of bed. I settled in, paid for wireless internet, and treated myself to quiet time, while wishing that I could nap. I am not a napper, generally - it's hard enough for me to fall asleep at night without messing up without messing things up with a midday nap.

I can only hope that during any and all future trips to the mountains that I can figure out how to keep myself from ending up feeling miserable, as I spend much time wishing to be in the mountains and missing the convenience of their location back where my parents live.

12 October 2013


I'm currently sharing a room with a ten year old.

Wednesday night, K invited me to join her family for the weekend - "my room has two beds, please come!" We see each other not often enough anymore, life is just busy for all of us. However, this weekend was free and so here I am.

I spent the hour after her bedtime on the phone in my car. This served two purposes. First, it let her fall asleep without me in here on the computer or watching a movie (or Doctor Who). Second, I got to talk to a friend who I hadn't talked to in months.

However, sitting in your car in the mountains at 10pm might not be the smartest decision. I may never feel my fingers again. The temperature dropped to 20 something and I'm not at the point in the year where that doesn't phase me.

I came back in to a ten year old grinding her teeth. That's a new one. I've joined her family on about two vacations a year for the past seven years. K and I have shared a room on at least 90% of those trips. I have never heard her grind her teeth. She's always been a quiet sleeper.

It might be a long couple nights if this keeps up. However, the vacation to the mountains will be totally worth it.

11 October 2013


I wrote last week about October and pink and shopping.

And then tonight, this showed up in my facebook inbox.
OK pretty ladies, it's that time of year of breast cancer awareness! So last year's game was writing your bra color as your status...or the way we like to have our handbag handy. Last year, so many people took part that it made national news... and the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we're doing this and helped raise awareness! Do NOT tell any males what the status means...keep them guessing!! And please COPY and PASTE this in a message to all your female friends. The idea is to choose the month you were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to GIRLS ONLY and let's see how far it reaches. The last one about the bra went all over the world. ** Instructions: The month you were born is the Place you are going, and the day you were born should be how many months you are gone.... January -Mexico; February - London; March -Miami; April - Dominican Republic; May - Paris; June - Rome; July - Hawaii; August - California; September - New York; October -Puerto Rico; November -Las Vegas; December -Australia. If your birthday is 21st January, YOUR STATUS SHOULD READ: "I am going to Mexico for 21 months". Don't reply to this, put your answer in a facebook status on your wall. Please do it, don't be a spoil sport!.
Would someone please care to explain how this raises breast cancer awareness? How does this support ANYTHING?  (I'm going to California for 8 months and I'm not supposed to tell anyone what that sentence actually means, how I came up with the where and the length, unless they are female, in which case I'm supposed to spam them with a group facebook message. Yes. That's logical.)

Please, if you are looking for a list of ways to support breast cancer awareness and research, click here. That link provides four big ways that you can be supportive to someone dealing with a cancer diagnosis, breast cancer or otherwise.

06 October 2013


Tonight's sermon (yes, tonight, I attend an evening church. Because I absolutely hate getting up and ready to attend service by 9am, especially if you consider that I often work Saturday nights until late), was on John 3:1-21. This is a passage I've heard countless times, but that tonight I knew I was going to get a lot from.

Last week, the pastor spoke on Jesus in the temple, which my friend and I both agreed we expect to be more of a history lesson and less of a "how does this change/affect our lives now." Turns out, in big ways. That involved tears from both of us.

I've been struggling lately. I've spent a lot of time saying that I trust that God will provide, and turning around and worrying about how everything is going to work out in the long run. But you know something? Every month, everything works out and provision is there, often in unexpected forms.

I knew walking in that this sermon would be hard. It actually almost kept me home. (A really bad reason to stay home from church? Being afraid of the sermon. That's why they exist.)

I was reminded over and over tonight that I am inconsistent. I say one thing, act one way, and the minute things get difficult revert to old ways. Ways I know aren't okay, thoughts that are hurtful. I know that following Jesus means following him always. I also know that it is incredibly easy to slip into patterns where He takes a back burner and I keep pushing forward for my own selfish reasons.

I need to reevaluate. I need to make better choices. I need to be more consistent.

As was pointed out this evening "Jesus didn't come to reform your life, he came to destroy and rebuild your life."

I need rebuilding, and it's going to be tough.

05 October 2013


I live in a one bedroom, 650 square foot apartment (for the next 26 days). I have had a friend staying with me for the last week.

In that time I have learned some critical things about myself and my tolerance level of others in my home.

a. Dishes left in the sink are only okay if they are my dishes.
b. If you're going to cook and use all the pots and pans I own, I'd suggest cleaning up before I wake up in the morning.
c. Turn off the lights.
d. My fear of a raised electricity bill is real (see c)
e. Some clutter is okay, some clutter is not. I'm not sure exactly what my line is on this.
f. If you come home at midnight or later, I am not responsible for waking you up when I need to leave at 7.

We are apartment hunting today. It will have 2 bedrooms. And hopefully 2 bathrooms, although that's negotiable.

I'm hoping having more individual space will help with many of the things on the list. As will more time, and setting more boundaries for one another.

If not, it'll be a really long year.

03 October 2013


Every year, in the closing days of September, I walk into a store and am hit by the pink. Pink ribbons on everything. Pink coloring on things that aren't pink the other eleven months of the year. I'm reminded that October reminds me of pain, loss and mourning.

It doesn't matter if I've been doing really well, or if I've been struggling. The pink comes and it feels like I'm back at square one.

It's been over four years. You would think after four years, I might be able to see pink, know that it's breast cancer awareness, and not want to fall apart.

You'd be wrong.

My aunt was diagnosed at 57. She died less than two months from her 59th birthday.
My mom's other sister was diagnosed at 57. She is currently cancer free. She turned 58 in April.
My mom is a year away from 57. How am I not supposed to be filled with fear?

I've seen the pain. I've had to say goodbye. I withdrew from my other aunt because I couldn't deal with it again. I cannot help but be terrified that my mom is next.

Everyone says that time heals. I've also heard countless times that it's okay to mourn still. And every July 12th, I mourn. Every September 5th, I remember.

And every October, I hate shopping.

02 October 2013


In March, I quit my teaching job. There's a lot more to the story than that, but that's a whole different blog post. Since then, I've been working a bit a substitute teacher, while applying for full time positions, and a lot as a part-time nanny.

Two afternoons a week, I watch two little boys in a community north of the city. I like their community. It's a bit bigger than my hometown. But it's a lot quieter than the city. I feel safe when we leave the house to go for walks. I don't have to worry about traffic while the older boy rides his strider bike. Now that the baby is six months old, life has gotten fun at this house. He's eating solids. He's rolling like crazy. And his brother has just about figured out the word 'gentle'.

The weather has also stayed nice the last few weeks. Which has led to a lot of outside time. There's a really cool trail that circles an area where a lot of prairie dogs live that we have walked around many, many times. You'd be surprised how easy it is to convince a barely three year old to walk 3/4 of a mile when he can watch for wildlife along the way. The baby also enjoys every step of the way - he's started babbling along the way and big brother loves to tell me "he's talking to you!" and we make up stories about what the baby is saying to us.

The perk of all this walking is that these days I hit my steps goal without any issue - I track with a Fitbit and love the ability to see my progress and know how much more I have to go. Also, in the last week or so, the baby finally seems sturdy enough and I finally am confident enough to actually do some jogging with the jogging stroller. I've written briefly before about my attempts to run and how poorly that usually ends up. Turns out, when I just let myself go naturally without trying to follow a plan or push too hard, I actually kind of like it. It's also fun for the older boy since he likes to ride his bike as fast as possible, so we race each other a bit.

All of this activity leads to another perk. Tired children. And soem afternoons I get lucky enough to have two small children napping at the same time. Or one exhausted three year old watching a show on the iPad while his brother takes a bottle and passes out. Either way, we all reap the benefits of getting outside and are going to be disappointed when the weather changes and we can't do so anymore.

01 October 2013


It's been four months since I wrote here, and you know what? I didn't really miss it. Usually when I skip long periods of time, I open the page and just don't write. Lately, however, that doesn't seem to be the case. I think I just needed the break.

This has been home for many years. I think my first post was almost eight years ago (if I wasn't typing on my iPad, I'd double check that). I've created an identity for myself under this username. I've written in good times and bad times and felt support from people I now call friends.

I remember when I wouldn't add anyone to my personal Facebook who only knew me as nannyanya. This doesn't happen anymore, and I'm glad. There are still many who don't know my real name, and it always surprises me to realize that. It also helps me feel confident that if I needed to or wanted to I could go back to a fairly anonymous online identity.

I happy with how I use social media, and with who I've let into my life that way. I'm also completely comfortable with the fact that many people who have known me for years don't know this exists. It's nice to have a space to vent when I need to, without worrying about what family and friends might think/say/judge.

I want to start writing again. I think I'm going to challenge myself to post daily for October. It wouldn't be hard to see that I've never been successful in such a goal. This time around I have someone who has said they will hold me accountable. Let's see if that helps.