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12 May 2013

Life

I open this space regularly. I begin drafts regularly.

I hit publish, well, never.

There is a fear in being vulnerable. There is a fear in speaking writing my mind.

I just looked over my 13 goals for 2013. I realized I've met not a single one of them. It's almost halfway through the year.

And you know what? I'm okay with that.

I made some major life decisions in the last two months or so.

One of them included leaving my teaching position. It was toxic and killing me. I was withdrawing from life into a depression that I hadn't experienced before. The thought of waking up in the morning and walking through those doors was more than I could handle most of the time. I began and ended days in tears. I cried through my lunch. I wished for reasons to not be there. I had migraines and fevers and cough that lasted a month. I was dying and afraid to say the words I needed.

Nothing is worth that. Nothing.

It took 48 hours for a friend to comment on how happy I was. 48 hours. 2 days.

In two days, six months of depression and stress were lifted away enough that life seemed manageable again.

Sometimes the hard decisions are the right decisions.

1 comment:

L. said...

Hang in there! :)