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28 January 2011

Endings

Today was my last day in my class.

I didn't even manage to make it to school before I had tears in my eyes.
I walked into my classroom and found chocolates and flowers. I cried some more.
I decided that if I could do all the crying before school started, maybe I'd make it through the day.

I was okay until I was handed an envelope of letters and cards from my students.
The kids, of course, wanted me to read them right then.
I knew that would be a bad decision.

I pulled out one letter and made it two sentences.
Even the kid knew he had to walk away or we'd both be done for.

I will miss them more than anything.
But reading this note, among others, helps me.

It's too precious not to share. (Spelling, grammar and abuse of commas all belong to the student.)

Dear Ms. (MyLastName),
Thanks for being the best teacher any one can have. You were always there when I needed somebody to talk to you. You were always there to help me with work. You would let me do your football picks. You were always there sitting in the stands. I hope you still will be, in basketball. I taught you football but now you're going to have to learn on your own, don't give up on football please. I will e-mail you my sport sceadules. I hope you will sub for us soon. If you don't move to Colorado. Don't move to Colorado. I will continue being a leader when Mrs. (TheirTeacher) comes back. I will carry the memory of my favorite teacher forever. I will miss you.
Your Student,
HisFullName


This one's pretty great too.

I know you won't be gone for good but we will still miss you. It is going to be hard not having you as our teacher. We will miss you so much. We will try to ajust without you but let me tell you it won't be easy. Try to survive without us. I know it will be hard because we are awesome.
Your Favorite Student (followed by a few of the nine million nicknames we had for her this year)


I am so blessed to have touched the lives of these students. And when I'm feeling down about the situation, I have these notes and several more to turn to.

19 January 2011

Coming up with a title is too much pressure right now

I haven't tweeted in two days.

Not one person has said anything/noticed.

I'm surprisingly okay with this.

I deactivated my "blog" facebook account tonight.

I considered doing the same with my other one as well.

I think I need an internet break.

I think I need a life break.

I wish I could afford a vacation.

Or even a long weekend.

My job ends in less than two weeks.

I am not dealing well with it, nor are the students.

Except today they were pretty good while the teacher came to observe.

And I was proud of them for being cooperative.

I can only hope it lasts.

We've had several conversations about expressing emotions appropriately.

I'm hoping it has sunk in.

10 January 2011

Breathe. Wait.

I haven't attended church since my aunt died.

Well, I haven't attended church and cared since then anyhow. That was eighteen months ago (on Thursday). I went a couple times with my best friend, but wasn't really there.

On Christmas eve I chose to attend at a small(ish) church in my hometown, but I don't know that I can say my heart was in it. I went because I love to hear the Christmas story, I went because I like to sing Christmas carols.  There is a whole lot more to faith that reading one chapter of the Bible in the month of December and singing a few songs.

Yesterday, I decided to be brave. I took a huge step. I walked into a church, sat down, sang, prayed, took communion and really, truly listened. I listened and heard a message that was exactly what I needed to hear. A message about waiting. About understanding that there is a plan and sometimes it hurts before the purpose of that plan is revealed.

I've written enough about struggling with my aunt's death, and more recently, about being confused about where I'm supposed to be. I do understand that this job that I've been at for the last 5 months is exactly where I needed to be, even if for a long time it wasn't what I wanted. I'm dreading the day that it ends (which could be next Tuesday, or the 27th, or the 31st, or the middle of February...). I just need to remember that it'll all work out and when I start to get worked up about it all I need to do is breathe. And pray. And wait. It's the waiting that's hard.

I'll be okay. The kids will be okay. And who knows what the next adventure will bring.