05 August 2011

All That Matters

I leave in a week. It's going to be a long week if last night was any indication.

We all know I was supposed to coach youth cheer, right? That goes way back to a promise I made at the end of this post (which, yes I know I've now linked to that post like five times. I'm kind of proud of it.)

Well, last night was supposed to be my last cheer practice, not counting the BBQ tomorrow. The level of drama and two parents ready to pull their children makes me question what is best. However, I need to do this for ME. The Colorado me is so very different than the me that I am when I am "home". So much healthier and happier and outgoing. The opportunities that are presenting themselves are ones that I would regret not taking, even if they fail.

And then, I realize the people who are being awful about the leaving? Don't matter. They're the ones who don't know me and know how hard I work and how dedicated I am to being the best that I can possibly be. They don't know that leaving this town, these schools and these children will be hard for me. Harder than I can describe. They don't care about the fact that I had tried not to publicize that I was in fact leaving because I need to be able to say goodbye to a couple people first, rather than having them read something on Facebook or hear the rumor from someone in town.

And if people can't respect that? They are obviously not the ones who matter in my life. I know that when I get to Colorado I have K and B, their mom, grandma, aunts. I have Katie and Scott and Violet. I have the church group I started attending this summer. I have friends to hang out with in Boulder as well as in Denver. I have people who care. People who won't be disappointed in me if something falls through or if I cannot be there for every little thing.

I wish I had that here (and there are some, but right now the pushing away feels far stronger than the encouragement). I'm excited to see where the next 3 or 6 or 12 months takes me. I am confident that I've made the right choice. And that's all that matters.


thepsychobabble said...

You are so right. People like that are not the sort of people you need in your life.

Sarah said...

"the people who are being awful about the leaving? Don't matter"


I had people ANGRY at me for moving from Portland. Those people? Aren't in my life anymore. The people who were excited for my change, I make time to go and see. Remember that above all, YOU are the most important person in your own life.

I have such faith in in you, friend!

PrincessJenn said...

It's funny how people always assume they know how to live your life better than you do. They can suck it.

Anonymous said...

All on board with those people don't matter. Also, I can't imagine being anyone that has to deal with parents. We've recently gone to our kindergarten intro for our daughter, and man, I don't envy parents and coaches. (Oh, here from the BHAH blog hop - Hi!)

Amanda said...

You have to live your own life. Sometimes we look back and think that perhaps we could have handled things better, other times we know it was as it was meant to be.

Living, is about doing things without having every answer.

Good luck!

Chibi said...

I'm *so* excited for you - this sounds like it's going to be really good for you all around. I know I can't possibly know because I'm not YOU, but this *feels* right. <3

Kris said...

Without knowing all of the details of your situation, I would just like to say that I have been on both sides. I have been the person left behind who did not handle this news graciously . . . I got my feelings hurt and I felt unloved and abandoned and rejected, even though I knew rationally that the other person's move was not aimed at hurting me. That the move was a good thing for this person. I was still hurt, and I did not always behave nicely about expressing my feelings.

And I have also been the person leaving to pursue a happy opportunity . . . and I have had to handle the sad and angry incredulity of my friends and acquaintances who got their feelings hurt by my announcement and were upset with the way I handled things.

Change is hard.

Whether you are the one leaving or the one left behind, change is hard.

I wish you only the best in this new endeavor.

I wish you the awareness to know that the anger you are facing from those you are leaving behind? May be sorrow and feelings of loss . . . self-protectively cloaked in more hostile emotions.


Much love to you.