Winners!

Chocbite winner is: @brandi_b!

 Shrek Giveaway winner is: AmazingGreis

Congratulations!

See you on the flip side

Please don't be surprised if this blog is quiet for the next week or so. I start my move on Sunday, and am not sure if I'll have internet until next Friday.

However? When I do come back, I should have a giveaway from the awesome CSN stores - I wrote about a tea kettle I received for review from them a while back and this time I get to offer something to you as well! Last time I was browsing their site I spotted bedding, kids' furniture and of course, my beautiful tea kettle. This time? I realized they have so much more! They have lighting (any kind of lighting you want, really!), some really awesome furniture and even bathroom vanities. Seriously, why bother looking anywhere else when there are 200 stores to choose from on that site, much of it with free shipping (pretty much the only way I shop online).

So. Next time I write I'll be in Colorado! Seemed like it was so long ago when I started looking and then finally got a job and now? Now in two days I leave. After a quick trip 150 miles the wrong direction to see Tim McGraw and Lady Antebellum tonight!

Shrek McNuggets House Party

Did you know a new Shrek movie just came out? Probably - it's called Shrek Forever After and from what I've been seeing it's pretty good! Do you have a child who loves all things Shrek?


McDonalds and House Party recently sent me a BIG box of goodies to host a party with. It included coupons for McFlurrys (did you know they now have snack size ones? They are the perfect size to have a treat this summer!) and apple juice and two sets of the toys they have at McDonalds right now, along with the next toys to come on June 11th (wicked cute watches! You have to check them out!)


I hosted my party in three phases, so that I could include as many people as possible - It's hard to gather so close to the end of the school year, with weddings, vacations, birthday parties, etc. 


And now? I have something for you!


I have a complete set of McDonalds Shrek Happy Meal toys, along with coupons for snack size McFlurrys and apple juice. To enter? Leave me a comment - tell me who your favorite Shrek character is. You have until Thursday at midnight (I really don't want to move them 1000 miles to find a post office and mail them away!).


McDonalds and House Party sent me a gift card, toys, movie and other products. They did NOT ask me to blog it. This is all me.

Words Can Hurt

Last week, when I was on my "date" with the four year old, a friend posted on Facebook about a musical she was seeing. It was one that I'd forgotten was in town, but that I really wanted to see, so we started talking about our plans for the night. We were both envious of each other's exciting activities.


And then, another "friend" jumped in with this comment:

im just a married ole lady sittn at home with a baby abusing me in utero....gotcha both beat!! LOL!

I was shocked. And hurt. And wondering if maybe I was just a tiny bit too sensitive.


You see, I already know that I'm going to face a lot of challenges when the time comes for me to have a child. My body is messed up and there's no denying that. So for her to say that? Hit me to the core. The fact that she thinks being home beats me? Yeah, I guess it does. But does she have to be smug and jerky about it? No. 


I wanted to say something to her. Something along the lines of "claiming to win because you are pregnant is hurtful and ignorant, I'm happy for you and XX but there are better ways of expressing your happy without putting down others." I didn't. Instead, I let it sit. And I drafted ways of saying it but being nice. I'm all about being nice. Then she posted something else - I can't remember what right now, but it sent me back to the night when she interrupted a conversation that wasn't hers and claimed that the only way to win at 24 is to be home pregnant. 


I'd much rather be home pregnant when I have a career and am in a situation where the thought of a child doesn't cause extreme financial burden. 


Yesterday, I was shopping with the four year old. She had the best perspective. I picked up a sweatshirt (for me!) and she looked at it and proclaimed it too big for my kids. I looked at her and asked what she meant by that, who are my kids? She, with a big smile, said "me and sister and K and B". And you know what? She's right. As much as I want children of my own at some point in the future? Right now, I have kids. At least four of them. Who love me and miss me. 


So, I'm not going to say anything to that friend. I hope she realizes the hurt words can cause, but I'm not going to be the bad guy in the situation. 

BlogHer@Home - Writer's Block?

This week’s BlogHer@Home question is “What do you do when you are suffering from writers block?”

I often sit here with a blank page staring at me. I often have no idea what to say, but usually I have a lot of little things that I want to share, typically a bit too long for Twitter but not quite long enough for their own post. 

Therefore? When I have nothing specific to write about, I tend to ramble. To form a list and write about a lot of things instead of one broad topic. Sometimes, I can't do that, because there are things I don't or can't share on here. 

On those occasions, I just don't write. I'm not opposed to the idea of skipping a week, but usually if I haven't posted in 4 or 5 days, you'll find a rambly post.

It's like we tell the kids - if you don't know what to write about? Just write. Something. Anything. Take fifteen minutes and spill it all out. Something will come.

Chocbite Review and Giveaway

Chocbite is a company from Austin, Texas that specializes in custom made bars of chocolate. It was created by Adeline Rem and is a wholly woman owned business. She created the company after searching for the perfect chocolate bar – this search led her to create a chocolate bar company where you could choose your own chocolate type and all the ingredients as well.

If you go visit their website, you have the option of building your own bar of chocolate or choosing a specialty bar from the sweet, spicy or fruity categories. The choices are endless.

You can choose Chocblack, Chocdark, Chocmilk or Chocwhite as your base bar and then up to five toppings from the catergories of sweet, savory, fruit, nuts or decorative.

I am a major fan of chocolate and peanut bar – I created a bar of Milk Chocolate with crispy rice, peanut butter chips and reese’s pieces. It arrived yesterday and I had some for dessert last night. Delicious. So delicious in fact, that I packed my bar in my lunchbox as a treat at work today. Everyone was impressed and very interested in the idea. I could definitely see ordering from them again in the future, maybe even mixing up the toppings!

Want to try it?

If you use the code CHOCBITE20 at their website, you’ll get 20 percent off your order, this code is good until December, so you have lots of time to try it out!

Additionally, Chocbite has offered a reader a bar of their own. To enter, visit www.chocbite.com, create your bar of chocolate (type and up to five choctops) and leave a comment here. For a second entry, follow me and @chocbite on twitter and share your creation in a tweet. Leave a comment telling me that you did so.

This giveaway will end on 5/28 at 11pm PST. 

Disclaimer: I received two bars of delicious chocolate to try in exchange for this review. 

Date night

On Saturday, the four year old asked when we could go to a baseball game. Obviously, there's not a lot of time left before I leave and I was dying to go to a game anyhow so I offered to take her on a date.

Before our date we went to McDonalds to eat using my gift card and coupons from House Party. She was in heaven.

When we got to the ballpark, I bought seats in the general admission grass, knowing that even though she'd asked, there was no way she would be paying much attention. Plus they have a playground and bounce house for the kids, which is why she really wanted to go anyhow.

She was too funny with her expressions and we spent a lot of time taking pictures, laughing and with her rolling in the grass. We had a blast, as long as I ignore the jerk who was seated behind us (there’s a reason that they sell general admission seats in the grass for parents and those with small children or for those who maybe aren’t at baseball to pay attention to every pitch, for two dollars more he could have had a real seat). 


I'm glad I had a chance to take her out before I leave. At the end of the game, she asked when we could go again, but I'm not sure how to answer that question. I told her I was moving away, farther than grandma's house and I think that helped a bit.

Death is not the greatest loss

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” – Norman Cousins

Today marks ten months since my aunt’s death. For the last month or so, I’ve felt fine. I’ve had my mind on other things more often, even though thoughts of her often arise. I no longer need to cry every time I think about her. Progress is huge. 

This month my mom's other sister had a bad mammogram and several biopsies. Thankful the lumps were just cysts that needed to be drained. Still scary and emotional.

Last night, I heard the above quote on one of my favorite shows. It resonated. How much did I miss during the eight or nine months in the fog of depression. How many moments with K were lost because I was mad. Not made at her but mad at the world. How many relationships did I sabotage out of fear. More than I can accurately say.

I still haven’t gone to church. This bothers me, but not as deeply as it did last month. I long for fellowship, but have kept busy doing other things- like getting ready to move in less than 20 days. I’m confident that once I have a “home” and know where I’ll be, I'll better at the building relationships thing. It’s hard to think about making new friends only to up and move. This might be why online relationships seem to be so much easier for me to develop. I've never really planned to stay here, no matter what my family might think. Some things are easier left unsaid.


I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of dying inside. I'm taking the next step and turning the corner. 

Post Office Fail

I may be a little annoyed by the USPS right now.

I discovered today that not one, or even two, but THREE packages that were supposed to be delivered this week are listed as delivered. And yet? I have zero of them in my possession. How nice of them.

One of these packages is confirmed as being in Castro Valley, California. A short 250 mile drive over the mountains. I have no idea why it would be delivered there, since I checked my address and we're all good there.

One of them says it was delivered yesterday. Here. But, it's not here so I'm a little confused. Of course, I discovered this after 430 and since out post office is only open from 830-430 there is nothing I can do. Not until Monday anyhow.

The third one? Who the heck knows. The site I ordered from says delivered. The USPS site has no record of the tracking number. So I'll wait. Or contact the company again.

I'm not a huge fan of UPS or FedEx out here, we usually have to wait ages for packages while they sit 50 miles away, but they seem to be the lesser of evils. At least I can a)track a package and b)expect it to be here when they claim it will.

Ramblings

1.    For some reason, this week I am especially tired. Like ready for bed by 6pm tired. This of course means that I sleep around 9ish and am up from 1-3am or so. This would be considered NOT restful. Of course, this also means that I am working more than usual. Because what good would work be if I wasn’t too exhausted to care about the goings on in the classroom.

2.   Today, I was preschool in the morning (LOVE!), with the three and four year olds with special needs. I was then fifth grade in the afternoon. Fifth graders at this time of year suck. They really do. They are out of control, think they run the school, and altogether impossible to deal with. And I like the kids in this class too, having known them for a number of years.

3.    Last night, I watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off due to the demands of several people. I didn’t get what was so great. But then again, I have little patience for movies in general, usually having something better to do with my time. I might try again, but I already sent it back to Netflix so it will be a while.

4.   Tomorrow, I work for 13 hours or something insane like that. Start by teaching second grade all day, followed by watching A and L while their mom goes out to dinner. I then sub all day Friday. And then watch L most of the day Saturday, followed by a quick meet up with the “friend” where I will give her CDs of pictures and get my dresses back. And then hopefully find the strength/ability to cut her off.

5.    I also have to (by Monday, technically, but really Saturday) create two PowerPoints and corresponding worksheets tests for The Midwife's Apprentice. Because despite telling the teacher who pays me to create them that I needed more time? She gave me three days notice. That's not okay with me, but I need the cash, so I'll suffer through.

6.   And then, I will not work next Monday (ha! I say that now, but I bet the phone rings 6 times). I need time to pack/clean more. May has gotten REALLY busy, which is great on one hand, but scary on another.

7.   Last year, I was having what I thought were panic attacks. They seem to have gone away for the most part, but the whole throat closing thing I was sure was related, I'm now wondering if it is just a seasonal allergy thing. I'm not feeling panicky but my throat has a huge 'lump' in it all day long. Hmm.

8.    I am planning a trip to San Diego in August. If you’re not going to BlogHer and live in the area? Let me know! I turn 25 at the beginning of August, have never been to San Diego (despite growing up in LA, what’s up with that!) and am dying to go.

9.    I leave for CO in 25 days! I also found a job I wanted to apply for today. Except it wanted EIGHT references. I’m not sure I talk to eight people on a regular basis, could be challenging. I might just send it in with the 4-5 that I use on every other app.

28 Days

I move in 28 days.

Today, I managed to pack up a ton of clothes, mostly summery stuff that I know I can wait to wear. I also packed shoes.

I love how whenever I need to pack, shoes are the dilemma. What do you pack them in? How many pairs are appropriate? Can I have those purple sequin sparkly ones I saw at Penneys?

I'm pretty much ready, except for little stuff - toiletries, DVDs and the like. That stuff needs to wait until the end.

I'm so excited I can't stand it. I'm counting down big time. I have an iPhone app, but I'd be lying if I said I don't know how many days without its help.

Sigh, just when everything looked fine

Saturday morning, I got up early and drove to town for my second March of Dimes walk in as many weeks.

On the way, I stopped at a florist for purple balloons. The look on the florist's face was priceless. "Just purple?" "Yes" "I might have some, how many?" And on and on it went, until I left with 6 purple balloons. I, of course, managed to lose one by the time I got to the park. Not sure whether it was on the way from the florist to the car (5 steps) or from the car to the pavilion at the park (20ish steps). I have skills.

A - the four yr old - was thrilled to see balloons. And cold. It was hovering around 38ºF. She ran up and gave me a big hug, I think I've only seen her once since Valentine's. She also gave me a picture she made me at the kid crafts table.

We all wore purple. Lots of purple. I took lots of pictures, which I then turned purple. (Lightroom Beta? Rocks. Love it.)

Other than a not-so-subtle hint about needing a sitter Monday and asking what days I was working this week because she needs help,  there wasn't much awkwardness. We went to K's favorite park after the walk and let the 4 year old girl play and took some pictures.

All in all, a good day.

And then I got home.

And she posted something that really bothered me. I didn't say anything, but I really felt like she missed the point.

OUR team raised money in Maddie's memory. Which is what matters. It's why I walked. It's why next year I'll do it again.