22 July 2010

I'll be back

I'll be back.

At some point when the stars align just right

When I have a working computer and working Internet.

When I don't spend spare time packing.

When I'm not so busy hanging out with K that writing takes a backseat.

See you then.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

13 July 2010

I have the house to myself this week. I don't know that I've ever had a house to myself for a week. It's so quiet. It's also quite useful when all I want to do is mope around for a day. Like today.

Thankfully, I've been keeping myself busy enough not to dwell on the sadder points in life. I drove 70 miles one way yesterday to, in the long run, have breakfast. I had a need for the mountains. So I drove to the mountains. I had a need for small town diner food. So I found one. And then the town was insane so I turned around and drove back.

Along the way I stopped to take a few pictures and met some very friendly chipmunks. Apparently people must feed the chipmunks at the vista point. Because they certainly run right up to you and sit all cute begging for food. I had none. Not that I would have shared if I had any.

On the way home, I stopped at my new favorite store (well, I've liked the store for a long time, but enjoy the convenience of not having to drive 400 miles to not have to order online). I spent entirely too much money but hopefully I won't have to go back or order for a long time.

Saturday, I met Issa at a nearby-ish mall. . It was wonderful to meet someone you've been interacting with online for so long. I've been reading her blog since the first go round. Four? or five years ago? Tomorrow is another meet up at a different mall. Because apparently? That's where I like to meet up. Wednesday I'm finally going to go to a landmark and take pictures. And meet up with yet another online friend. Who would have thought that the girl that panicked thoroughly about meeting people back in March would have three meet ups in four days?

Thursday is the last day of summer school. And then Friday, my friend Katie and I head to Kansas City to watch the A's play. I cannot wait.

Next week I have K all day every day. I'm not sure what we're going to do but the list is long with ideas. I'd bet we'll end up spending most of our time at the pool though.

I can't believe that I've got less than two weeks left here before I have to go home. I'm bummed that I didn't manage to find a job. Still hoping.

12 July 2010

One Year

It's been one year.

It's been one long year.

It's been one long painful year.

I miss her every single day.

I am terrified to go to school today.

I don't want to melt down.

Seems inevitable though.

I'd give anything to spend more time with her.

I'd give anything to be able to call her son and his family.

Not hitting the call button baffles me.

It's a strength I don't have yet.

It's been a year.

A long year.

A short year.

A year of grief.

A year of healing.

A year of growth.

01 July 2010

Getting by

I'm really good at going a week between posts lately. However, when there are no comments and few readers, it's not so hard. I try to remind myself to write for me. And yet, I'm addicted to stats.

I've been super busy. Far busier than I expected. I've also accomplished far less than I expected.

I had an interview this past Monday. I tried to stay positive, but I'm pretty much sure that I failed. Which is both sad and okay. I would love nothing more than to have a job. And to get to stay here. But if it takes another school year for that to happen, it'll be okay. I know that if I have to go back home I have a long term sub position to start the school year, which means a lot and takes a huge weight off my shoulders.

As we enter July, I find myself fighting tears. A lot. I'm missing my aunt tons. In less than 2 weeks it will have been a year. I'm fine when I keep myself busy, but the second I slow down or have time to think, it's on my mind and the tears start.

This is especially awful when my downtime is mostly in the car. Crying while driving is less than ideal. Although, I can't say this is the first time that this has happened on an almost daily basis. Anything little thing will set me off. There is an ever growing list of songs I cannot listen to. When will the pain stop? When will I be able to think about my aunt and talk about her without falling apart?