A promise is a promise

I am sitting in the Phoenix airport.

On my way home.

For a funeral.

(I am supposed to be flying to Houston. For a friend's birthday.)

Sunday, I learned that one of my students (one of my football boys), was killed in a terrible accident.

I think of these kids regularly, when times were especially hard at my job this year I would read letters from them and remind myself that yes, it is possible to have an amazing group of kids in an amazing classroom.

When I heard of this death, I knew immediately I had to go home. However, it's a holiday weekend. Airfare was outrageous. But I am so blessed with people in my life and although I still had to spend some money that I didn't really have, I was able to find an acceptably priced flight.

So I will be home for the weekend. For my kids. For his parents.

Because as much as this is totally awful, I promised these kids I would be there for them always. I expected the next time I saw them to be next year at eight grade graduation, not this year, the week before they finished seventh grade.

A promise is a promise no matter how hard the follow through might be.

Life

I open this space regularly. I begin drafts regularly.

I hit publish, well, never.

There is a fear in being vulnerable. There is a fear in speaking writing my mind.

I just looked over my 13 goals for 2013. I realized I've met not a single one of them. It's almost halfway through the year.

And you know what? I'm okay with that.

I made some major life decisions in the last two months or so.

One of them included leaving my teaching position. It was toxic and killing me. I was withdrawing from life into a depression that I hadn't experienced before. The thought of waking up in the morning and walking through those doors was more than I could handle most of the time. I began and ended days in tears. I cried through my lunch. I wished for reasons to not be there. I had migraines and fevers and cough that lasted a month. I was dying and afraid to say the words I needed.

Nothing is worth that. Nothing.

It took 48 hours for a friend to comment on how happy I was. 48 hours. 2 days.

In two days, six months of depression and stress were lifted away enough that life seemed manageable again.

Sometimes the hard decisions are the right decisions.

Does this count as two days in a row?

I stole this from Issa.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

My parents. They are the least creative people alive, if you know my first and middle names.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Um, last night. Upon dealing with work stuff.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I have teacher handwriting. Sometimes, that drives me crazy

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Turkey

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Sure? What kind of question is that?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Yes

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes. 

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Absolutely not

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Lucky Charms. Or Fruit Loops. Or pretty much any that my mother wouldn't buy while I was growing up

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I'm far too lazy for that. I only own like two pairs of shoes with laces anyhow!

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
No. I dig for strength and can't find it often.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Peanut butter chocolate

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
I honestly have no idea

15. RED OR PINK?
Pink

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
The way I stress about everything

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My babies. My best friend's daughters. I ache for their cuddles on hard days.

18. WHAT IS THE TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?
Do you want to ask my dance instructor?

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
None at this moment. Purple Toms all day.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A small handful of chocolate chips

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
I was listening to Switched at Birth. Right now, nothing

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Purple

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Cookies. Clean blankets.

24. HOW IMPORTANT ARE YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS TO YOU?
Important enough that I almost lost friends. I'm not talking about it.

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Mountain. I'm not a "beach" fan. Unless it could be a beach house at Tahoe? Then I'd get both!

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Baseball

27. HAIR COLOR?
Blonde.

28. EYE COLOR?
Blue.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Nope. But I have keratoconus so it's only a matter of time.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Carbs

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings. I don't do scary.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I honestly couldn't say. I could like 15 minutes of Mary Poppins on Sunday, does that count?

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Magenta

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Spring/Early summer

35. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Ice cream

36. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
Cardio

37. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
Computer

38. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Savvy

39. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
People still have mouse pads?

40. FAVORITE SOUND?
Music

41. FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC?
Country. Christian.

42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Which home? I guess the answer doesn't change. Toronto.

43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In the San Fernando Valley, California

45. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
Denver-ish

46. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
Brown. I think. I just moved here, I should know this

47. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
Silver

48. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 48 QUESTIONS?
It wasn't bad